Aging Beautifully

Can we, all of us middle-aged women, take a minute to ponder aging, or rather, our resistance to it?

First, I can hardly believe I included myself in “middle-aged women.” Yes, I am over 50 but, as many people my age will often say, I still feel like I’m in my thirties. Aside from the oh-so annoying hormonal change and occasional body ache, as far as my heart and mind are concerned, I’m still definitely in my thirties. OK, maybe early-to-mid forties. The reflection I see in the mirror, however, tells a different story.

How often have we heard “aging gracefully”—which essentially means aging naturally, or as I like to put it, aging beautifully—when referring to older women? Here’s the thing, I think that all women age gracefully, even when resorting to non-natural means to do so. To age is graceful because it is a privilege not everyone has. At the very least, aging should be seen as graceful. Should it not?

Most women would love to be able to simply age naturally and do so beautifully! And I am one of them. While I’ve always taken care of my skin (moisturize, moisturize, moisturize), aging was never on my mind before I entered the big five-0. Is it ever when you’re young?

Blessed with good genes, I didn’t have to think about aging until menopause hit me like a ton of bricks. It was as if aging had tiptoed in the middle of the night and branded its evil magic wand over me while I was sleeping. Overnight, my ageless face was now slightly sagging, giving me those awful jowls and droopy eyelids. I suddenly looked like a bulldog (yes, I’m exaggerating but you get the drift). Luckily, however, I seemed to have inherited my grandmother’s skin when it comes to wrinkles, so I’m not a great candidate for Botox. Not that I ever entertained the idea. I hate that women feel the need to resort to injecting poison in their face. But I support those who do it without judgment. Fillers will only do so much before they start changing your face to make it wider and give you the kind of cheekbones you never really wanted or needed in the first place (I tried a very small amount once and quickly decided I didn’t like it, but it’s completely fine for women who do.).

Despite all the procedures available—Thermage (skin-tightening treatment) and Potenza (microneedling to naturally rejuvenate collagen), to name a few—none of them guarantee positive results, and they cost several hundreds or thousands of dollars, depending on how many treatment sessions you need (hint: it’s rarely just one). Then there’s FaceTite, a non-invasive procedure that helps define your jawline. Costly, but a sure bet and a good alternative to cosmetic surgery. Just make sure you go to a renowned plastic surgeon (please do your homework and use referrals if possible), but depending on your budget, you may need to choose between renovating your roof . . . or your face (yes, both cost more or less the same thing).

I am not trying to sell you on any of these procedures! Far from it. I am just awed at everything that is available for women to spend money on (and spend, and spend), from injectables to procedures, serums (hint, none of them work, though some will make your skin look great—and yes, I’ve tried my share of serums, thank you very much), creams and masks. There are so many products to choose from, depending on how much money you’re willing to spend (another hint, the cheap version might work just as well as the expensive one, it all depends on your skin—I’ve done the leg work and then some). Trying to decide whether collagen, hyaluronic acid, retinol or just a good ol’ moisturizer is best for you is enough to trigger anxiety. As if we didn’t have to deal with enough anxiety already.

Your lifestyle will also play a major role in how your skin ages, such as whether you smoke, drink alcohol, drink lots of water, use sunscreen (please do, every day), how much stress there is in your life.

I will never judge a woman for resorting to any means she deems necessary to keep her looks. Whatever she feels she must do is her business and hers alone. I do think it is sad that women can’t simply age naturally as they have earned the right to do so.

I have always prided myself on being natural, so not being comfortable with my face and thinking of ways to reverse time versus accepting those changes is a constant struggle for me. I’m trying hard to walk the talk.

On the one hand, I am tired of society dictating how middle-aged women should look (let’s be honest, dictating how all women should look), and I refuse to give into the hype of all those needles, peelings and lasers. Personally, I can think of better ways to spend my hard-earned money.

On the other hand, it isn’t fun when your face doesn’t reflect how young you feel inside. For now, I only resort to facials every three months, which make my skin look and feel wonderful. If only facials could work miracles on those darn jowls.

Please don’t shoot the messenger. I hate the game as much as you do, trust me. I am acutely aware of how superficial this all sounds. Yet, it’s the truth. The fact that women can’t simply age naturally irks me. The pressure is high, especially when even young women use Botox and other injectables to enhance their looks and prevent any lines and wrinkles from ever forming. Whatever happened to natural beauty?

I have been wanting to grow out my new natural hair colour for the past few years. Yet, the mere mention of it results in negative comments from friends, family and even my hairstylist, “No! You’re too young! It’ll make you look so much older.” I am a dark brunette so I colour my hair every three to four weeks. God forbid a silver hair should peek through! (Yes, my hair is silver, rather than grey, which I’m quite happy about, except, one silver hair can be seen a mile away, as my 21-year-old daughter loves to point out.) But just between you and me? I can’t wait to become a silver fox!

Women are learning to accept their bodies and, thankfully, much progress has been made over the years to include women of all shapes and sizes in beauty ads and on runways. Yet, despite all this talk of acceptance, there is still a stigma about women aging. Whereas men, of course, age like “fine wine.”

And speaking of bodies, a woman’s body changes over time because it is NATURAL. A woman’s body has different needs at various periods in her life. Why do we have this need to be fit (and young) all the time, at every age?

Why don’t we just put that money and energy somewhere else and simply be happy with the way we age? Besides, doesn’t beauty come from within?

Note: A few weeks after writing this article, a wise middle-aged woman summed up perfectly what I wrote and I just might use it as a daily reminder:

It is a physical impossibility to anti-age. The only time you will anti-age is when you’re actually dead, and that’s not great. There are all these lotions and potions that promise all kinds of ways to remove your lines and wrinkles. What they really remove is a lot of your hard-earned cash while at the same time taking a good old side swipe at your self-esteem. It is far better that you do not become obsessed with your face and your lines and wrinkles when you have so many other things that you could be doing with all of the freedoms that getting older provides. So, one of the best things you can do for yourself is accept your body, particularly your face, as it ages. Lines and wrinkles are a sign that you have lived, you have cried, you have laughed, you’ve been around the block a few times. Keep your focus on all the fabulous things you could be doing and don’t be adding to cosmetics companies’ huge profits by investing in nonsense.